💬 Introduction
When I first moved to Japan, I thought “I love you” (愛してる / aishiteru) would be something I’d hear in every romantic movie, every couple’s conversation, and maybe even from my Japanese friends.
Five years later, I can count on one hand the number of times I’ve heard someone say it — and not once in real life.
In Japan, love isn’t expressed through words.
It’s shown through actions, silence, and sometimes… convenience store snacks.
❤️ The Cultural Context: Silence Speaks Louder
In Western countries, especially the U.S., saying I love you is part of everyday emotional vocabulary.
You say it to your partner, your parents, your dog — sometimes even when hanging up the phone.
But in Japan, expressing deep emotion directly can make people uncomfortable.
It’s not about being cold; it’s about being considerate.
There’s a saying in Japanese:
“言わぬが花” (Iwanu ga hana) — “Not saying something is the flower.”
It means that what is left unsaid is often more beautiful.
🍱 How Japanese People Actually Express Love
So how do Japanese people say “I love you” — without saying it?
Here are a few real examples I’ve experienced:
- “気をつけてね (Ki o tsukete ne)” — “Take care of yourself.”
- “ご飯作っておいたよ (Gohan tsukutte oita yo)” — “I made dinner for you.”
- “寒くない？ (Samukunai?)” — “Aren’t you cold?”
It’s these quiet gestures — small, consistent acts of care — that build relationships here.
As one of my Japanese friends once told me:
“If you need to say I love you, maybe you don’t show it enough.”
🧠 Why “Aishiteru” Sounds Too Heavy
The literal phrase “愛してる (aishiteru)” does exist, but it’s very intense.
You might hear it in a drama scene before a character dies, or during a wedding vow.
In daily life, it feels unnatural — like saying “I am passionately devoted to your existence” every time you leave the house.
Most couples use “好きだよ (Suki da yo)” instead — softer, casual, and closer to “I like you.”
Even after years together, many Japanese couples still use suki — and it’s completely normal.
💑 What This Teaches About Love in Japan
Living in Japan taught me something I didn’t expect:
Love doesn’t always need to be declared to be real.
Here, love is about presence, not performance.
It’s about walking together in silence, cooking for someone, or just being reliable.
In the West, we often chase grand gestures.
In Japan, it’s the quiet moments that count.
🔗 Related Reads from Ali in Japan
If this topic resonates with you, you might also enjoy:
- 🧘♀️ The Japanese Concept of Wabi-Sabi: Finding Beauty in Imperfection
- 🏡 How Japanese Minimalism Changed My Life (And Why the West Got It Wrong)
- 🏮 The Unwritten Rules of Living in Japan (That Foreigners Always Learn the Hard Way)
- 🇺🇸 Why So Many Americans Are Moving to Japan in 2025 (Real Reasons)
🌸 Closing Thoughts
After five years in Kyoto, I’ve learned that love here isn’t something you say — it’s something you do.
Whether it’s a cup of warm tea waiting when you get home, or a quiet “otsukaresama” after a long day — these are Japan’s versions of I love you.
Maybe the West could learn a thing or two from that silence.
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